Leaving Australia

It was February 5th,2003. I was in the living room of my home in Jindera watching the breeze rustle the leaves on the gum tree out front. Both my girls were at school, it wasn't my day to work, and I was bored. I could smell the bold coffee in the cup beside me as I signed on to my yahoo messenger and watched my friends list load the names of people I knew. No one was online except a guy that I didn’t know. A friend of mine had added him to my list while I was out of town a few weeks earlier. Then out of nowhere a message window appeared on my screen. It was him.

Matt: Hi
Fliss: Hey, how are you?
Matt: pretty good. you?
Fliss: bored
Fliss: I guess my friend added you to my list while I was away last weekend... hope you don't mind...
Matt: not at all

Our conversation was fun and light and he was very smart. He kept me entertained with witty remarks and immature friends dressed in cammies walking in the background on his webcam. From that day forward we sought each other out, craving more of the friendship that was rapidly forming. Matt and I spent as many minutes of each day as we could getting to know one another. Questions and answers were shot back and forth with rapid fire until the screen became blurry and we just couldn't hold our eyes open any longer, the responsibilities of the coming day forcing us to get some sleep. For months it was the same story every day. There was an intellectual connection that neither one of us could deny, nor did we want to. We decided to meet. In early May of that same year, Matt flew south across the Pacific Ocean from Seoul, South Korea, to Sydney, Australia. With the windows down and the wind whipping my hair around my face, the music up and the smooth, melodic voice of the singer from Evanescence unknowingly creating harmonies with me, I drove to Sydney just a little too fast up the Princes Highway in my maroon Mazda 626.It was a long night waiting for his 7am flight to arrive, but I was ready.

It was a whirlwind 2 weeks with him, but he fit in perfectly. My daughters adored him, my family had never seen such manners and respect from a guy his age, so they really liked him, and he and I had fallen in love the instant we saw each other at the airport.
However, the trip came to an end. We spent the next 3 months spending less time sleeping than before, and pushed ourselves to stay awake and online with each other as much as possible. It was the only way for us to spend time together, and we took what we could get.

In August, 2003, I flew to South Korea to spend another 2 weeks with him. After the first week, he called my dad.
"Sir, I was wondering if I could ask you a question, although I know this is far from the most respectful way to ask?"
"Don't call me Sir, and what is it?" groaned my dad.
"I love your daughter very much and I would like your permission to marry her."
"I don't care what she does!" responded my father incredulously, "She's a grown woman and will do whatever she wants." Then softer this time he added "But thank you for having the decency to ask."
Wearing my denim skirt, a black t shirt and wedged flip flops, Matt and I were married in the US Embassy in Seoul, Korea, across the road from the Starbucks that we lived at during my stay.

We spoke about what would be best - living arrangement wise - and agreed that him moving to Australia would be best for everyone. The Australian Immigration laws thought differently.
It proved to be so difficult for him to be able to enter Australia, that we decided while we waited for his immigration status to be accepted, the girls and I would move to the US. It would offer us an experience of a lifetime, and enable Matt and I to be together as a family. The date was set. December 4th, 2003, I was to board a Pacific Air flight to LA with a full day stopover in Fiji with my daughters.

The day we left was one of the hardest of my life. My family and I are very close and I had never realized just how much I depended on them emotionally. Yet here I was, with our lives packed up into 6 suitcases, about to leave behind the people who had always been there for us. I had driven around town saying goodbye to each and every person that meant something to us, then finally in the early afternoon, as the hot summer sun gleamed through the dining room window, we gathered at my grandma's house to have one last cup of tea together as a family. When it came time for us to get into the car to drive to the airport, my dad climbed into his car as one by one our family members kissed the girls goodbye and strapped them into their car seats in the back seat. My car was packed to the roof with our luggage, with just enough room for my brother, his girlfriend and me to fit in. Slowly, I went down the line. My brother Josh waited till last. He and I have a special bond and he was by far the hardest one to leave behind. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and the tears began for both of us, as the smell of eucalyptus in the tree nearby burned its painful memory into my brain forever. I sobbed into his yellow t-shirt as I clung to my brother, my rock, my best friend for as long as I could before my other brother, Joran, took my hand and led me to car, dragging me away. I got into the driver’s seat and started the car, reversing slowly and carefully out the bendy driveway and onto the street. I saw my brother fall to the ground and cry with his face in his hands. My emergency brake screeched my car to a sudden stop. My door flung open so fast I thought it might break off entirely. I didn't care. My brother was hurting and it was my fault. I ran to him and hugged him again. As I held his face in my hands I told him that I'd be back as soon as I could. I kissed the tears from his cheek and walked away, back to the idling car in the middle of the street. Joran had already switched to the driver’s seat knowing full well there was no possible way for me to drive safely. Knowing too, that there was no possible way I could drive away from everything I had ever known.

The airport goodbye with my dad and my brother Joran was not much better. The two of them are very similar to each other. Neither one really talks about how they feel, and they both have an ability to hold back emotion much better than Josh and I. This time was different, as Joran cried for what had to have been the first time sober since he was a child. My dad held it together only until it was time for us to go through the gates to board our plane, leaving them at the gate unable to join us. I only remember seeing my dad cry a handful of times throughout my entire life, so it really hit home to know that this was hurting him, too. I couldn't leave. I couldn't let go and walk away. As a million thoughts and questions rushed through my head, the one that stuck out was if I was doing the right thing. If this was really worth it in the end, not knowing when I would be back or when I would see the people I loved so much.
"You need to go before you miss your flight", my dad said as he untangled my arms from around him and gently pushed me towards the gate. "Everything will be fine, Baby. You're a fighter."

The girls and I walked through security, turning around to face them and blow a kiss one last time. Then the metal gates closed in front of us as the girls excitedly tugged on my hands and pulled me towards our future. I knew in my mind that leaving Australia to be a family with Matt was worth the risk, worth the challenges we had faced and would still have to face. I knew in my heart that I was doing the right thing.

As our plane lifted off the ground, my daughter’s hands in mine, we watched our home disappear from our tiny window and we said goodbye to Australia.